Christmas and the Big "M"

Sharon and I were spending more time together during December heading to our first Christmas together.  It was pretty clear that things were getting serious between us.  We were inseparable and we never wanted to be apart.  We really got to know each other in such a short amount of time.  Whenever we weren't together, which wasn't very often, we spent countless hours on the phone talking  It wasn't just small talk, there wasn't much we didn't tell each other.  She knew everything about me and I knew everything about her.  Sharon was the first woman that I ever really let completely inside my heart.  We had already confessed that we were in love with each other.  We spoke of having a future together and the "M" word was mentioned.   Neither one of us flinched at the topic.  It was as though it was our destiny to be married.  I remember we were together and I told her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that I could see her being my wife.  Sharon told me that she felt the same way and that she had never been more certain as she was with me.  I remember that she told me that some of her closest friends were skeptical.  "Why does he want to marry you after such a short time?  Does he have an immigration problem?  What about the age difference?" they would ask.  Biologically, there was an almost 10-year age difference between us.  I used to tell her that she was more mature for her age and I didn't act my age, so we were really close emotionally.  We went to pick out a Christmas tree together for my apartment.  I got her to agree on a Douglas Fir tree as that was what I had growing up.  We had fun decorating it together and wrapping gifts for our family and friends.   We spent Christmas Eve at her brother Jeff's house as that was their family tradition.  I met most of her family that lived close by.  Her aunt and uncle, her cousins, nieces and nephews.  I remember we had to bring a white elephant gift and I had something some picture that ended up with her oldest nephew, Nathan.  He really liked it.  After the party we went back to my apartment and I took her to midnight mass at St. Monica's Church.  The next morning we exchanged presents and cards.  I was so touched by the words on her card:

To my fiancee Cesar,
I can't believe how lucky I am to have found you.  You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I just want you to know how much you mean to me.  You are the most important person in my life and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.  There isn't a minute, hour, or day that goes by where I'm not thinking of you, us.  I have never loved, wanted, or needed anyone as much as I loved, wanted, or needed you.  My feelings grow stronger for you each day an I cherish what we have.  What we have is so special and I promise to never let anything happen to it, us.  You mean the world to me and I love you and will always love you with all my heart.  Merry Christmas Honey.


Love Always,
Sharon


P.S. I will always cherish our first Christmas together.  It means so much to me that you stayed home to spend Christmas with me.  Thank You.  I Love You,


I was struck that she referred to me as her fiancee.  I think she knew that we were meant for each other.  That morning we went to their house in Reseda, where her friend Jamie and her husband, John lived as well.  We also spent the day at her Aunt's house in Chatsworth, where her family met to celebrate Christmas Day.  I remember being amazed at how close her family was and how they welcomed me in.

Sharon's Birthday

Sharon's birthday was coming up in a little more than a week and I was trying to figure out what to get her.  I had been hinting around Sharon trying to figure out what she liked and used.  I was racking my brain to try and find something really special for her.  Something that would express how I feel.  I wanted something that would touch her heart.  Even though we had only been together for a short time, there was something different about us.  Something different in the way I felt about her.  She inspired me to be better and she was so easy to love.  It was like I had been waiting all my life for her and somewhere deep inside my head, I knew she was there.  It was as though I had an outline in my mind of this person but I could never make out the face.  It wasn't until Sharon came into my life that it became clear.  It was if my life started when she entered it.  I had decided for her birthday,  I was going to take her to the Charthouse in Malibu.  I also picked out a gold cross necklace.  It was simple but elegant and it really seemed to be perfect for her.  I wanted something that special that would guard her heart.  The cross symbolized the ultimate sacrifice that was made for us.  I also found a little teddy bear that had a zipper that I could hide the necklace in.  I got her a card that took me awhile to find.  I had written some of what I felt in the card.  But it didn't seem like enough.  How do you write in a few words, what someone means to you and how quickly and completely you have fallen for them?  I started to write down some thoughts and emotions and before I knew it, I turned it into a poem.  Before Sharon, I had never written any poetry.  Maybe once in English class and that was forced.  I just felt inspired.  Sharon brought out the best in me.

“The Precious Gift of You”

Each day I thank the Lord,

For the precious gift of you.

A gift that I can never repay,

But for which I am eternally grateful.

Life’s trials and tribulations darkened my very existence,

That I never dared to look  beyond tomorrow’s promises.

Each day I come to realize,

Just how much you changed my life.

A look, a smile, one long glance,

Gave me reasons to take a chance.

With you I dare to dream,

For all tomorrows to come.

With you I know that everything is possible,

For I have been given the most precious gift of all,

The gift of love and life,

The gift of you.

Her birthday fell on a work day.  I had orchids delivered to her desk that day.  We left work early together so that we could change for our date.  I drove her to the Chart House in Malibu.  We took the drive on the coast.  We had a very nice dinner as our table was over looking the ocean.  The waiter was nice enough to take pictures of us.  After dinner I gave her the present with the card.  She opened the gift first and she saw the little bear.  I think she liked it but seemed a little puzzled.  I smiled and told her that her real gift was somewhere on that bear.  She discovered the little compartment and opened it.  She found the necklace and her smile lit up her face.  I put it on her and then she opened her card.  She smiled even more and her eyes teared up as she read her poem.  We took a walk along the beach, holding hands and just taking in the moment.  

To Go or Not to Go

I had plans to go home to Guam for Christmas.  I was going to visit my dad.  My brother Gene had already gone home for Christmas and he would be there until the new year.  I hadn't bought my tickets yet and had been kicking the idea around.  But all of that was before I met Sharon.  Somehow the thought of leaving Sharon behind was not something I wanted to do.  Our relationship was just starting.  Given how everything had transpired, I had this uneasy feeling that I shouldn't leave for the holidays.   It was like I had been here before.  There were a lot of parallels with my relationship with Sharon and my previous relationship.  The similarities were striking.  They were both tall, slender, striking, and quiet Asian women with similar demeanors. They both had two older brothers, each had one named Dan.  Also, they both had serious relationships named Dan.  Even though Sharon's was one person removed,  I really wasn't concerned with the relationship she had just ended.  I never really thought that she was really serious about him.  She did tell me about her relationship before the one she just ended.  That one lasted several years and it seemed like she never really gave the other person closure.  His name was Dan and that gave me that scary flashback.  I had told Sharon that I was planning on going to Guam for Christmas. She told me that she would miss me and wanted me to stay but would understand if I wanted to go and see my family. Something told me to stay home during the holidays.  I guess when push came to shove, I didn't want to be away from the person that I fell in love with.  We were at my apartment that evening and I broke the news to Sharon that I was staying home for Christmas.   I told her that I didn't want to be away from her and that I wanted us to have our first Christmas together.  I remember that she broke out a big smile that lit up her face.  She hugged and kissed me and told me how much that meant to her and how much she loved me.  Sharon told me that I would never regret my decision.

New Start

Well, it was official.  Sharon and I were now a couple.   We were probably a couple long before.  We were always inseparable at work.  Even after we went home to our own places we would talk on the phone.  Every night we would talk for hours.  There were many nights that we would stay on the phone all night until it was time to get ready for work.  The one thing that stood out was that we just couldn't stand to be away from each other.  There were many times that we went without sleep but we didn't mind.  Before we were "official", she didn't bring me around to her family.  Sharon didn't want to have to explain the sneaking around.  Even though it was pretty obvious to the people at work, we never admitted we were dating - YET.  There was something different about our relationship.  We talked about everything and we revealed so much of ourselves, our past to each other.  There wasn't anything we didn't discuss or knew about each other.  She started staying over with me at my place.  We would drive in to work together.  One time, we were getting out of my car in the parking lot and one of my co-workers spotted us.  He asked me if we were together.  I replied that I gave her a ride from her car as she parked on the streets.  He gave me a look of disbelief.  She started to tell her family about us.  Her brothers, their wives, her close cousins and closest friends.  They encouraged her to start bringing me around.  I guess she was not too surprised that none of them thought much of her previous relationship.  Mostly, they kept their disapproval to themselves.    The first family member that I met was her oldest brother, Jeff.  Sharon brought me to Cornerstone Community Church for a Christmas program.  Her brother had a singing role.  It was a nice program and I got to meet him and some of his children.  She started bringing me to her house.  Sharon lived with her brother Dan and his family at the house that they all grew up in.  I had been there before but it was either late at night or early in the morning so I never had run into them before.  I remember meeting her niece, Erin, who seemed totally immersed in Sharon.  She looked up to her and really liked being around Sharon. She was quiet but her eyes followed everything that Sharon did.  I am not sure what she thought about me.  But after we were official we were never apart from each other so she would frequently see me around.