Christmas and the Big "M"

Sharon and I were spending more time together during December heading to our first Christmas together.  It was pretty clear that things were getting serious between us.  We were inseparable and we never wanted to be apart.  We really got to know each other in such a short amount of time.  Whenever we weren't together, which wasn't very often, we spent countless hours on the phone talking  It wasn't just small talk, there wasn't much we didn't tell each other.  She knew everything about me and I knew everything about her.  Sharon was the first woman that I ever really let completely inside my heart.  We had already confessed that we were in love with each other.  We spoke of having a future together and the "M" word was mentioned.   Neither one of us flinched at the topic.  It was as though it was our destiny to be married.  I remember we were together and I told her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and that I could see her being my wife.  Sharon told me that she felt the same way and that she had never been more certain as she was with me.  I remember that she told me that some of her closest friends were skeptical.  "Why does he want to marry you after such a short time?  Does he have an immigration problem?  What about the age difference?" they would ask.  Biologically, there was an almost 10-year age difference between us.  I used to tell her that she was more mature for her age and I didn't act my age, so we were really close emotionally.  We went to pick out a Christmas tree together for my apartment.  I got her to agree on a Douglas Fir tree as that was what I had growing up.  We had fun decorating it together and wrapping gifts for our family and friends.   We spent Christmas Eve at her brother Jeff's house as that was their family tradition.  I met most of her family that lived close by.  Her aunt and uncle, her cousins, nieces and nephews.  I remember we had to bring a white elephant gift and I had something some picture that ended up with her oldest nephew, Nathan.  He really liked it.  After the party we went back to my apartment and I took her to midnight mass at St. Monica's Church.  The next morning we exchanged presents and cards.  I was so touched by the words on her card:

To my fiancee Cesar,
I can't believe how lucky I am to have found you.  You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I just want you to know how much you mean to me.  You are the most important person in my life and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.  There isn't a minute, hour, or day that goes by where I'm not thinking of you, us.  I have never loved, wanted, or needed anyone as much as I loved, wanted, or needed you.  My feelings grow stronger for you each day an I cherish what we have.  What we have is so special and I promise to never let anything happen to it, us.  You mean the world to me and I love you and will always love you with all my heart.  Merry Christmas Honey.


Love Always,
Sharon


P.S. I will always cherish our first Christmas together.  It means so much to me that you stayed home to spend Christmas with me.  Thank You.  I Love You,


I was struck that she referred to me as her fiancee.  I think she knew that we were meant for each other.  That morning we went to their house in Reseda, where her friend Jamie and her husband, John lived as well.  We also spent the day at her Aunt's house in Chatsworth, where her family met to celebrate Christmas Day.  I remember being amazed at how close her family was and how they welcomed me in.

Sharon's Birthday

Sharon's birthday was coming up in a little more than a week and I was trying to figure out what to get her.  I had been hinting around Sharon trying to figure out what she liked and used.  I was racking my brain to try and find something really special for her.  Something that would express how I feel.  I wanted something that would touch her heart.  Even though we had only been together for a short time, there was something different about us.  Something different in the way I felt about her.  She inspired me to be better and she was so easy to love.  It was like I had been waiting all my life for her and somewhere deep inside my head, I knew she was there.  It was as though I had an outline in my mind of this person but I could never make out the face.  It wasn't until Sharon came into my life that it became clear.  It was if my life started when she entered it.  I had decided for her birthday,  I was going to take her to the Charthouse in Malibu.  I also picked out a gold cross necklace.  It was simple but elegant and it really seemed to be perfect for her.  I wanted something that special that would guard her heart.  The cross symbolized the ultimate sacrifice that was made for us.  I also found a little teddy bear that had a zipper that I could hide the necklace in.  I got her a card that took me awhile to find.  I had written some of what I felt in the card.  But it didn't seem like enough.  How do you write in a few words, what someone means to you and how quickly and completely you have fallen for them?  I started to write down some thoughts and emotions and before I knew it, I turned it into a poem.  Before Sharon, I had never written any poetry.  Maybe once in English class and that was forced.  I just felt inspired.  Sharon brought out the best in me.

“The Precious Gift of You”

Each day I thank the Lord,

For the precious gift of you.

A gift that I can never repay,

But for which I am eternally grateful.

Life’s trials and tribulations darkened my very existence,

That I never dared to look  beyond tomorrow’s promises.

Each day I come to realize,

Just how much you changed my life.

A look, a smile, one long glance,

Gave me reasons to take a chance.

With you I dare to dream,

For all tomorrows to come.

With you I know that everything is possible,

For I have been given the most precious gift of all,

The gift of love and life,

The gift of you.

Her birthday fell on a work day.  I had orchids delivered to her desk that day.  We left work early together so that we could change for our date.  I drove her to the Chart House in Malibu.  We took the drive on the coast.  We had a very nice dinner as our table was over looking the ocean.  The waiter was nice enough to take pictures of us.  After dinner I gave her the present with the card.  She opened the gift first and she saw the little bear.  I think she liked it but seemed a little puzzled.  I smiled and told her that her real gift was somewhere on that bear.  She discovered the little compartment and opened it.  She found the necklace and her smile lit up her face.  I put it on her and then she opened her card.  She smiled even more and her eyes teared up as she read her poem.  We took a walk along the beach, holding hands and just taking in the moment.  

To Go or Not to Go

I had plans to go home to Guam for Christmas.  I was going to visit my dad.  My brother Gene had already gone home for Christmas and he would be there until the new year.  I hadn't bought my tickets yet and had been kicking the idea around.  But all of that was before I met Sharon.  Somehow the thought of leaving Sharon behind was not something I wanted to do.  Our relationship was just starting.  Given how everything had transpired, I had this uneasy feeling that I shouldn't leave for the holidays.   It was like I had been here before.  There were a lot of parallels with my relationship with Sharon and my previous relationship.  The similarities were striking.  They were both tall, slender, striking, and quiet Asian women with similar demeanors. They both had two older brothers, each had one named Dan.  Also, they both had serious relationships named Dan.  Even though Sharon's was one person removed,  I really wasn't concerned with the relationship she had just ended.  I never really thought that she was really serious about him.  She did tell me about her relationship before the one she just ended.  That one lasted several years and it seemed like she never really gave the other person closure.  His name was Dan and that gave me that scary flashback.  I had told Sharon that I was planning on going to Guam for Christmas. She told me that she would miss me and wanted me to stay but would understand if I wanted to go and see my family. Something told me to stay home during the holidays.  I guess when push came to shove, I didn't want to be away from the person that I fell in love with.  We were at my apartment that evening and I broke the news to Sharon that I was staying home for Christmas.   I told her that I didn't want to be away from her and that I wanted us to have our first Christmas together.  I remember that she broke out a big smile that lit up her face.  She hugged and kissed me and told me how much that meant to her and how much she loved me.  Sharon told me that I would never regret my decision.

New Start

Well, it was official.  Sharon and I were now a couple.   We were probably a couple long before.  We were always inseparable at work.  Even after we went home to our own places we would talk on the phone.  Every night we would talk for hours.  There were many nights that we would stay on the phone all night until it was time to get ready for work.  The one thing that stood out was that we just couldn't stand to be away from each other.  There were many times that we went without sleep but we didn't mind.  Before we were "official", she didn't bring me around to her family.  Sharon didn't want to have to explain the sneaking around.  Even though it was pretty obvious to the people at work, we never admitted we were dating - YET.  There was something different about our relationship.  We talked about everything and we revealed so much of ourselves, our past to each other.  There wasn't anything we didn't discuss or knew about each other.  She started staying over with me at my place.  We would drive in to work together.  One time, we were getting out of my car in the parking lot and one of my co-workers spotted us.  He asked me if we were together.  I replied that I gave her a ride from her car as she parked on the streets.  He gave me a look of disbelief.  She started to tell her family about us.  Her brothers, their wives, her close cousins and closest friends.  They encouraged her to start bringing me around.  I guess she was not too surprised that none of them thought much of her previous relationship.  Mostly, they kept their disapproval to themselves.    The first family member that I met was her oldest brother, Jeff.  Sharon brought me to Cornerstone Community Church for a Christmas program.  Her brother had a singing role.  It was a nice program and I got to meet him and some of his children.  She started bringing me to her house.  Sharon lived with her brother Dan and his family at the house that they all grew up in.  I had been there before but it was either late at night or early in the morning so I never had run into them before.  I remember meeting her niece, Erin, who seemed totally immersed in Sharon.  She looked up to her and really liked being around Sharon. She was quiet but her eyes followed everything that Sharon did.  I am not sure what she thought about me.  But after we were official we were never apart from each other so she would frequently see me around.

Finally...

Our company was having a Christmas party in early December.  It was to be a pretty big event, everyone would be dressed up.  Guys would be in their suits and the ladies would be in their cocktail dresses.  Everyone was talking about it.   Unfortunately for me, Sharon was going to attend with her current relationship,  as these plans were made before she and I got together.  It was two weeks before his finals and she didn't want to make any waves.  Since it would be a late night, the company decided to reserve hotel rooms for people that wanted to stay over.  Her other relationship had asked Sharon to stay over.  She had told me that he wanted to do that.  I told Sharon that if she did, we were over.  She said she wouldn't do that.  I decided to go and would take this woman that I coached with named Merrill. We were friends and she had met Sharon and knew about our relationship.  Some of my other friends around the soccer circle believed that she was interested in me but I never got that vibe.  But after I met Sharon it was pretty hard to notice anything or anyone else.  Merrill had told some of our players that we were going to a party together and they were pretty excited.  I guess they still hadn't figured out who Sharon was.  It was a pretty strange evening all the way around.  All of my friends at work were probably wondering why Merrill and I kept telling them that we were just friends.  As we were seated at our table, I caught a glimpse of Sharon coming in.  She was beautiful as always.  I couldn't take my eyes of off her.  Merrill ran into Sharon in the ladies room and told her that I was pining away for her.  Even though Sharon and I had agreed to depart from the party early and meet up afterwards, it seemed like the longest night of my life.  I left the party after a couple of hours and dropped Merrill off at her apartment.  I gave her the prize that I had one at the party.  We chatted for a little while and I quickly left.  Sharon called me a little later and we got into an argument because she ended up staying longer than we agreed upon.  I was upset as I hung up the phone.  About 30 minutes later she showed up at my apartment.  We made up and stayed up all night talking (well there was a lot of kissing and hugging involved).  That following morning we went to Denny's and had breakfast together.  She left my place around 9:00 am to head home as I had several games to coach that day.

The following week, her other relationship completed his final exams and she broke up with him over the phone.  So finally, we were free to be with each other openly.  She drove to my apartment to tell me and we were so happy.  That night was the first time we both said those three words that changes everything.  That night we finally admitted what we were feeling for so long, that we were in love.

Near Miss

Things have been going well between Sharon and me.  We were inseparable at work and I would always drop her off to her car in the evenings and we would always linger.  There were a couple of unresolved things that were hanging over our heads.  One was her relationship and the other was an obligation that I took on for the time being.  We decided to go on a date during the week.  I decided that it was time for her to meet the little girl that I was occasionally caring for.  I am not sure if I really thought this all the way through.  We went to a place in Westwood and we had a nice dinner and thought that we had a good time.  After dinner, the three of us went to my apartment and Sharon asked to speak to me alone.  She started to cry as she began talking.  She told me that she had very deep feelings for me but she couldn't be with anyone with baggage.  Sharon said that she would bow out as to not upset the little girl.  That even though it was hard for her she was doing it for the little girl.  She didn't want to be with someone that had ties.  I was stunned at what she was saying.  Slowly, I started to find the words to say.  I asked her one question, "Do you have feelings for me?"  She said, yes.  I told her that I have very strong and deep feelings for her and that I didn't want to lose her.  I told Sharon that I would choose her over anything and that it wasn't a choice.   She seemed relieved at what I had told her.  She held me close and we shared a long, passionate kiss.

But there was one more thing that was hovering over us and that was her relationship.  She told me that she wanted to end it but couldn't do it yet.  He was getting ready to take his final exams for his MBA program and didn't want to affect that.  So we would continue to see each other.  She said that they rarely saw each other.  The next morning I had flowers delivered to her desk.  I had orchids sent to her because I thought roses did not suit seem to suit her.  She was so happy to receive them and she came by to thank me.  We went to lunch together that day and when we came back she had a surprise visitor.  It was her relationship and he had come to visit her.  He asked about the flowers but she made some excuse about her brother.  He had told her that it looked like his promotion was going to come through along with some back pay.  He wanted to use the backpay to buy an engagement ring.  I told her that she needed to tell him soon before he went to buy a ring.  She told me not to worry that he was too cheap to buy the ring and wouldn't.  So we continued to see each other quietly as she waited for his finals to be done.

Getting Complicated

It was the Saturday after our first kiss.  As usual, my day consisted of practically living at the soccer fields coaching my three teams.  But that day, I was anxious and restless.  I couldn't get Sharon out of my mind.  I kept replaying our kiss and the time that we spent together.  That evening, I was dropping off the little girl that I was helping care for.  She was from a broken home and her older sister was on one of my teams that I coached.  She was always hanging around our games and practices.  Somehow she was attached to me.  I would take her and do things with her like ice skating, movies, train her in soccer.  She is from a pretty dysfunctional family. Her mom and older brother are in and out of rehab.  I think that I provided an escape for her.  It was pretty crazy when I dropped her off.  A lot arguing and screaming.  I was pretty upset leaving her at her house.  My mind drifted to Sharon.  I stopped by a pay phone to call her.  It was getting late but I had to hear her voice. The phone rang and she answered.  I told her that something upset me and just needed to hear her voice.  Bu I also wanted to see her.  Sharon said she did as well and proceeded to give me directions to her house in Reseda.  The really strange part was that I didn't write it down.  God must have really wanted me to see her that day because I was able to get there easily and I am horrible with directions.  Maybe the car drove itself.  I got to her house and she was waiting outside.  She waited outside so as not to have to explain who I was to her brother.  She got in my car and we went for a drive.  It was the first time that we saw each other since we kissed and I really wasn't sure what to expect.  Sharon gave me and hug and we kissed.  We spent the night together and we just stayed up being with each other.   If we were tired it really didn't show.  I dropped her off that morning.  Later that day, I called her and we talked for hours.

The week following was Thanksgiving.  I was even more excited to go to work knowing that I would see her.  These days when I would take her to her car, we would stay quite a bit longer as neither of us wanted to say goodbye.  It was customary on the day before Thanksgiving that our office would close early and allow us to go home.  That day, Sharon and I left early but we stayed in the car just being with each other.  We spent quite a few hours just talking, without paying attention to the time.  On Thanksgiving day, Sharon spent the day with her family and I was over at one of my friend's home for the day.  She was never far from my thoughts and I was wondering if she was thinking of me as well.  The days following Thanksgiving were always a busy time for me.  It was a big soccer tournament weekend and as usual, I had two teams entered in a tournament in Pasadena.  It was possibly eight games in two days.  I had told Sharon what I was doing that weekend and didn't really expect to see much of her.  But to my surprise, she showed up at my apartment before I was to leave for the first game.    She came with me to the games and braved the cold and the wind.  We had lunch in between games with some of the parents who have been with me for a few years.  My teams didn't advance to the championship games that weekend.  But for some reason, I really didn't mind.  Sharon stayed with me at my apartment that entire weekend.  We spent it together and we never left each other's side.  I think we both never wanted that weekend to end.